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The Thrilling Tales of Cah Cah: June 2013

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Satanic Superstars


What would I do without YouTube? It has exposed Beyoncé as the Illuminati devil worshipping witch queen she is!!!!! ... People are fucking retarded. I'm so hands up with this.

What am I talking about? Well, your friendly neighborhood spiderman will show you:






Now, I'm not saying this isn't true; I can't prove that Beyoncé isn't a satanic witch queen that transforms into a lizard, and that Sascha Fierce isn't in fact a demon that possesses Beyoncé, enabling her to be all cray-cray on stage. I believe I've seen evidence that she rides a black, flying horse. The scary part about what I just wrote, is that only the last sentence is something I made up. Everything else are things some people *actually* believe to be true. At first it's kinda funny (though very tragic and sad), but after the initial laughs, it becomes.. worrisome for one reason in particular: children. Both Beyoncé and Jay's Blue Ivy, but also the children of the people who believe this. The paranoid, conspiracy theorists parents, who fill their kids with tales of the evil Beyoncé who sacrifices children, and even more disturbingly, of Blue Ivy who is the Illuminati-doll-princess-spawn-of-Satan (when they're not busy claiming that she's just an *actual* doll). I would be insanely worried about the safety of my daughter if I knew there were crazy people out there, who thought that she was the carrier seed of evil. AND THEY WONDER WHY BEYONCÉ COVERS HER UP!
  Also, can we just address the issue of "subliminal messages"? If you have to rewind a song to hear the "subliminal message" it's not a subliminal message! HOW OFTEN DO YOU LISTEN TO MUSIC IN REVERSE? When they rewind the songs, you hear the "message" loud and clear (well, as loud and clear as a reversed song can sound), which also kills the point of subliminal messaging. Hearing the words "Kill your parents and rape a virgin" or whatever you might hear in real time kills the point of it being subliminal; it's just a message.. and it's not really a message.







There are so many videos and, ahem, "articles" about this, a simple google search will provide you with an endless amount of links, if you feel like reading more about this. (DISCLAIMER: reading too much about the supposed "Illuminatiness" of the music industry and THE NEW WORLD ORDER might make you feel dizzy, nauseous, incredulous and/or leave you in despair about the state of human intelligence.)

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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Identical Idols

I know there's this whole photo series going around of Katy Perry, Zoey Deschanel and others, who were obviously obviously cloned (and probably birthed by the Octomom), but can I just ask this: can anyone can tell the difference between Heidi Klum and Gwyneth Paltrow? Anyone ever seen them together? I'm pretty sure they're the same person. Seal found out, and that's the reason they divorced. If I suddenly disappear, you'll know this is true. I'm onto you, Hollywood..

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