Vegans, Apple Fanatics (Macniacs), and Pregnant Women: Smugness and Nagging

I'm letting you all know upfront that I'm going to be doing some heavy generalisation in this blog post, so if your ego is hurt easily just get yourself of my blog really quickly. Political correctness will never be my thing, so don't bother coming back (she says after making a disclaimer).

Smugness is one of the most violently annoying things someone can be in my opinion, and there are 3 types of people who do smugness like few others: vegans, Apple users, and pregnant women. Being smug often goes hand in hand with nagging, and for especially the first two types this is very true.

I have a friend who hardly ever eats meat because she just doesn't fancy the taste of it. Do you know how often she informs people of this? When asked, and only if people specifically ask her about her preferences. I'm convinced this is because she never had to "cut out" meat. She just literally doesn't enjoy it. Some other people, however, have to make an active choice to keep meat out of their diets, and I can imagine that - for some - it makes them miserable. I know people that have cut out meat in an attempt to "eat green", and they all have one thing in common: they nag you about how much meat you eat, tell you that you really shouldn't eat meat, tell you how much better they feel without eating meat etc. Yes love, if you would stop salivating every time you looked at my steak, I'd believe you, but you're looking at my steak like a Catholic priest looks at an altar boy. But that's only half of it - vegans will find a way to sneak in "I'm vegan" or "well, being vegan" into any and all conversations, no matter how irrelevant it is. As the joke goes: "How do you tell if someone is vegan? You don't, they tell you." An article about asexuality was headlined "I'm Vegan and Asexual" (are you trying to win some sort of alternative lifestyle award?), and in an interview with Ariana Grande she tells a story about how Iggy Azalea eats a lot of burgers, and how "as a vegan", she found it very distracting.

"I'm vegan and it was funny because I was trying to have a conversation with her as she was eating so much meat and I was kind of distracted. But I was like "I love her, it's OK". To each their own."
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2621994/Vegan-singer-Ariana-Grande-reveals-rapper-Iggy-Azalea-maintains-bootylicious-derriere.html#ixzz37M63r0Ng
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Yes, you were probably distracted by how hungry you were for a burger. How desperate can you be to inform people of your meat eating status? And the end "I love her, it's OK. To each their own." Smug. Besides, didn't you say in this interview that you used to live off junk food? I'm not saying you're not healthier now, but don't tell me you've gone so far beyond the taste of chicken McNuggets that you can go "to each their own".

Iggy realizing that her munching on what appears to be hot wings maybe is being eternalized in an elegant and graceful way. A woman of my own heart.

I do agree with one point of veganism - it means you don't financially support the terrible way most farm animals are treated, and that is a noble cause worthy of attention and respect. Just don't be so fucking smug about it. Ariana is in no way the mother of this type of behaviour - she just happened to be the one I read about today because I have a slight crush on her, and I'm obsessed with her song "Problem" (which you can listen to here if you somehow haven't been confronted with it yet).

Related: Whale Killings In The Faroe Islands

Related: Marius The Giraffe And The Reality Of Eating Meat

Another group of people who will not shut up about their shit are Apple users. Everyone else says "my computer", Appleés say "my Macbook". Everyone else says "my phone", Appleés say "my iPhone". Even in foreign countries where people will say "where's my phone" in their own respective languages, Appleés will say "iPhone" in English. You get the picture. They constantly need to remind everyone that their computer is a Mac, that their phone is an iPhone etc. This might be due to brilliant marketing by Apple, but it's still annoying. Ever handed another type of phone to a devoted iPhone user? It's like watching a right wing Republican male attempting feminism. Of course, (particularly new) Mac users go through the unfathomably annoying honeymoon stage where they basically speak so many words of love about their new device, you start to wonder whether you should move in with them, because you're nervous that if their house catches fire, their children might not be the first thing they attempt to rescue.

Basically.

Now, imagine a vegan Macoholic. "Just sitting here with my vegan meal and my iPhone." Then, if they are working or doing homework they'll snap a photo for instagram with their Mac, iPad, iPhone, iPod and school books neatly stacked, and you're left wondering what on earth all those Apple products have to do with anything, and how they managed to get the phone on the table and snap a picture for instagram at the same time. Who's phone is that? Did you borrow someone else's phone to make sure people know you have an iPhone too? And don't try to make the slightest of complaints about whatever device you have, because inevitably the answer you'll receive is "Buy a #insertappleproduct" because we all know they're flawless.

Flawless is actually about Beyoncé seeing the world from an Apple product's perspective.

Last but not least, we have pregnant women. I was going to write a piece about this as well, but I I think I'll let lovely girls of Garfunkel and Oates say it for me with this funny song.

If you're a pregnant, vegan Macniac you might not like me very much right now, but that's OK because it means you have no ability to laugh at yourself so we probably wouldn't click anyway, as I'd make a lot of jokes at your expense. If you (smug vegan or otherwise) happened to enjoy this article, please like it, share it, post it to a smug friend to tell them to stop being so annoying in a not so subtle way, tweet it at that annoying person you know, basically preach it as much as a Macniac preaches the Apple gospel!


Yours,